Family Feud

A grandfather teaches his granddaughter to use...


Dear Editor,

My name is Evanrude R. “Scooter” Johnson III. I would like to protest the inclusion of what is purported to be articles written by my cousin, Skeeter Johnson, Skeeter is the son of my father’s brother, the black sheep of the family. William J. “Skippy” Johnson was ostracized from the family when he suggested we should try a California vintage with dinner one night. Can you believe the temerity of the man?! I mean we were eating Al-fresco that evening, but it was not a, what is the word, barbecue. Heaven forbid!. True Skeeter has not had the educational opportunities that the rest of the family has enjoyed. I do not believe he would have been admitted to Harvard anyway. I even doubt if he would have been a Yale man, and that is just one step above a so-called community college. After all, classes in arts and crafts? I truly believe this can be traced back to our great-grandfather, Everest G. “Sparky” O’Johnson. He was the founder of the family fortune by starting a brewery in Dublin. He died earlier when he fell into one of the vats and drowned. True he did get out twice to relieve himself. Two of his workers did jump in to save him, but he fought them off bravely. Enough of this airing of the family skeletons, however. You should leave Skeeter be. I would like to discuss this some more but it’s anchors aweigh at the yacht club. I meant this with sincerity. I wrote slowly as I figured you could not read fast.

TTFN (ta ta for now)

Scooter Johnson #3


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