Post Procedure Puppycat

The Puppycat Wakes


(CARROLLTON – Cradle of Civilization) The Puppycat is peacefully snoozing, in comes the nurse. “We need to wake her up now. Mrs. Connolly, (aside to me) how do you usually call her?”

I stand, approach the sleeping Puppycat, stroke her head and say, “Puppycat!” I lightly jostle her shoulder, and say again, “Puppycat!” Her eyes open, she stares at me, I can see recognition slowly happening, then, “Is it over?” she asks. “Yes.” “Wow, I don’t remember even being rolled out.” I smile at her. “How’d I do?” The nurse says, “Fine, you did really good.”

Puppycat is hungry

The original prepping nurse appears in the doorway – Puppycat sees her and asks, “Are you here to rescue me?” “No just checking on you.” “I’m hungry right now.” “I’ll send someone. You OK, any pain or discomfort?”

Puppycat looks at her as if she just walked in, “I’m hungry.” The nurse and I laugh. “We’ll get you something.”

A few moments later another nurse comes in, “Would you like water, juice, or a coke?”
“Coke.”
“Do you want soda crackers or graham crackers?”
“ummm,” – the Puppycat is pensive – “ummm.”
Chuckling, “I’ll bring both.”

A couple of minutes go by, Puppycat says, “I’m ready to go home right now.” “Well first you need to eat and drink something, they have to unhook you from all that, and we haven’t seen the doctor yet.”

Just then the nurse returns with a Shasta Cola, some saltines, and some Teddy Grahams. The Puppycat watches with feral interest as the nurse carefully unwraps the crackers.

“These look like teddy bears! I like teddy bears!”
“They go good with the saltines, sweet, salty, crunchy, kind of like kettle corn,” says the nurse.
The Puppycat bites the head off a hapless teddy bear.

Moments later, after playfully eating four teddy bears, the Puppycat announces, “I could live on coca cola and Teddy Graham’s.” And then:
“I have a growler monkey in my stomach.”
“Grrrrrr”
“Tomorrow’s my birthday.”

Out in the hallway, we hear two nurses conversing, “She’s ready to go, but we need her to finish her crackers and they still haven’t seen the doctor.”

“No! I’m ready to go NOW! I need a ribeye steak.” She turns to me and says, “Next time I do something like this will someone wake me up with Teddy Graham’s?” As the nurse comes in the Puppycat says, “I’ve never seen these before, they’re cute! We’re going to Mama’s Daughter’s diner!” “Oh, I love that place.” “Me too.”

The nurse comes around and starts disconnecting the Puppycat. “Let’s get you untangled from all this – and you can take off those EKG leads.”

Excitedly, “Do they have small animals on them?”
Laughing, “No, they don’t.”
“Well they should. Or you could make them blue and pink. And the wires. Then they would look like octopuses.” The Puppycat smiles at me, “Blue and pink octopuses.” The nurse laughs, says something about anesthesia, and leaves the room.

The Doctor comes in, tells us everything looks great, no issues whatsoever, and that we’ll screen again in 10 years.

The Puppycat Dresses

Singing, “Do you know the way to San Jose,,, You have to dress me, or my socks will be inside out. My face itches.” Sing song voice, “10, 9, 8… 7, 6, 5… 4, but they kept me warm,” pointing at her socks. She then picks up a shoe and pretends she is going to bite it, waiting and watching for my reaction.

“You are goofy cute today.”
“Am I?”
“Oh yeah.”
“How come?”
“Anesthesia. OK, let’s go.”

A nurse comes to walk us out. “I’m having chicken fried steak,” says the Puppycat.

All Things Puppycat

The Puppycat Podcast


Featuring: The Puppycat

(Puppycat Manor) Welcome to the first and possibly last Puppycat Podcast. This began as an effort to learn how to use software that would emulate a mixer so that I could use two microphones into one computer. It ended in Karaoke.

Can’t wait to hear it? You Don’t Have To!! Hit Play and enjoy?

 

Puppycat Vs Majestic Beast

Puppycat Envy


(CARROLLTON, TX) – “Your dog is a Chihuahua.”

“What?!”

“Look at him, those big round eyes, and his timidity.”

“Yeti is a magnificent beast. A Great Pyrenees, nearly 100 pounds.”

“He’s a Chihuahua.”

“Stop it. Your just jealous because your dog is retarded.”

“Your’s is a Chihuahua. I win.”

**heavy sigh**

Puppycat Metamorphosis

Puppycat Makes an Announcement


(CARROLLTON, TX) – Stirrings upstairs – harbinger of the Puppycat’s awakening. Yes, coffee is made.

THUMP, THUMP, THUMP – The Puppycat approaches. What is this thumping? THUMP, THUMP, down the stairs, HOP, HOP, HOP on the hardwood floor –

The Puppycat emerges from around the corner.  She is wearing her giraffe onesie sleeper (recently acquired from Target). With paws held chest high, but bent down at the wrist, she states: “I’m a girrabbit!”

“I see. I will get your coffee now.”

The Girrabbit gleefully hops to her burrow.

Long Live The Puppycat Page

All Things Puppycat


pUPPYCAT ASKS A QUESTION

By: THE PUPPYCAT KEEPER

(CARROLLTON, TX) –in bed, falling sleep- “Have you written any more on Moloch Rising or do you have writer’s block or something?” “No, I don’t have writer’s block. I want to finish the book I’m reading.” “Which book is it?” “Philosophy of Mind by Edward Feser.” “Didn’t he have some position at Ave Maria University?” “What? No.” “I thought he was part of that at one time or something.” “Oh, no, you are thinking of Fr. Fessio.” “Oh.”

Later that night “Do you know what I think of when I hear ‘Edward Feser’?” “No, what?” -short laugh- “I think of Edward Scissorhands.” “Oh.” “Edward Feserhands! -giggle snort- Hahahahahah.” *silence*

Inquisitive Puppycat “You don’t think that’s funny? I am cracking myself up.” “I’m trying to sleep.” -disappointment- “I thought it was funny. Don’t you?” “I’m asleep.” And then five minutes later the Puppycat Keeper says, “Edward Feserhands.” The Puppycat is silent for a moment, then the bed shakes a little and then, “Hahahahahahahahaha snort giggle.”

THE PUPPYCAT PAGE

All Things Puppycat


Puppycat Wants Something – A gmail chat exchange

By The Puppycat Keeper

CARROLLTON – “Yo quierro Peanut Butter esandwiche.”

“Are you asking me to make you a peanut butter sandwich?”

“Si, tengo hambre, por fa”

*Heavy sigh*

“Quierro cafe, tambien por fa”

Puppycat Keeper looks askance at the Puppycat

“y quierro coca cola.”

Further Developments

CARROLLTON – “I just asked Tracy to make me a peatzi butter sandwich.”

“By Chat?!”

“Yeesss.”

“What’d she say?”

“She said she would.

“Tell her I want one too. Strawberry Jam, Crunchy Peanut Butter, and some Fritos.”

*silence*

“Puppycat, did you tell her?”

“She said she’s on her way.”

“Cool.”

Further, Further Developments

CARROLLTON – “Leon, while you’re standing there will you make me a peatzi butter sandwich?”

“Prolllynotman.”

The Pirate Booty Factor

CARROLLTON – “Puppycat, is that Pirate Booty good?”

“Yes.”

“Can I have some?” – tosses it over to the Puppycat Keeper – “I wonder if it would be good on Peatzi Butter Sandwiches?”

Puppycat looks up all bright-eyed, smiles and says convincingly, “I bet it would be really good. I bet you’d like it a lot!”

non-response from the Puppycat Keeper.

“Can I have my Pirate Booty back?”

“No.”

“Are you flirting with me? Was that a flirtatious response?”

Passion for Peanut Butter

CARROLLTON – “RAWR!”

“OK! I’ll go make you a peanut butter sandwich already!!!”

THE PUPPYCAT PAGE

All Things Puppycat


“I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want”

By The Puppycat Keeper

CARROLLTON – “Did you write about absinthe?”

“Why, yes, I did.”

“Did you write The Puppycat Page?”

“Um, no, not yet.” Puppycat issues dismissive wave. Puppycat Keeper keeps typing. Moments later – “Wow, I like sleeping.”

“ZZZZZZZZZ”

The Puppycat Keeper thought the Puppycat was safely asleep when suddenly, “You haven’t written anything Puppycat in a long time. [Puppycat Keeper guilty shrug]

Dreamily, “Guess I haven’t done anything.” Puppycat snores resume.